Living with Cancer

By CK Loh
This year's Chinese New Year falls on January 26th 2009. Traditionally, I celebrate Chinese New Year in Taiping. After both my parents passed away in 1994, I celebrate the festive occasion in Ipoh, my wife's home town. This year, I decided to celebrate Chinese New Year in Subang Jaya. So officially, 2009 marks the beginning Subang Jaya as the “Balik Kampung” home town. So, in future, no matter where my children are, every festive season, they will have to come back to celebrate Chinese New Year in Subang Jaya.
The main reason for deciding to celebrate Chinese New Year in Subang Jaya is because; I am diagnosed with cancer in 2008 and am still under chemotherapy treatment. In order not to stress myself out with all those travelling and getting caught in the Balik Kampung's traffic jams, the most practical and healthy thing to do is to stay put in where I am now. I do hope, other than the change in geographic location, the spirits of the Chinese New Year will remain the same for me and my family members.
Now, talking about cancer, I had never thought of the possibility of being inflicted with this unwelcome sickness. But the sad fact is, cancer does not discriminate, it hit me in 2008, and it hit me hard. The question now is, how am I going to deal with it?
The word, CANCER, is such a Negative and Scary word. Through out the previous few months, friends and relatives who visited me are always trying to be socially correct by not directly referencing my health condition as CANCER. For example, they will always be very careful with the choice of words such as “How are you feeling today with your current health condition?” “How is your fight with the disease?” etc. etc. In a way, I am sort of getting used to all the socially acceptable terminologies. Honestly speaking, I know I have cancer, and I accept the fact that it is a terminal disease. By not referencing the word Cancer is not going to change the outcome. As far as I am concerned, I am no longer obsessed with the longevity of life. For better or for worst, to live the remaining part of my life meaningfully, it is my obligation to ensure I live a Quality life. In this regard, I seek not sympathy for my unintended situation, but, I sincerely appreciate my friends and relatives can convert their sympathies into moral support. I do sincerely need all the moral support to fight and move on with life.
I am about to complete my scheduled rounds of chemotherapies. So far, I did not encounter major problems during and after the chemotherapy sessions. Since chemotherapy is basically a process of pumping a cocktail of poison into the body to kill all the bad and good cells, naturally, there are some side effects such as sore throat, mouth ulcers, tingling sensations and numbness in arm, loss of appetite, chest pains, hair loss, etc. But what choice do I have, chemotherapy is part of the necessary medical evils for the recovery of my health. I just need to be more disciplined, careful, and determined in managing these side effects to ensure the quality of my existence is not eroded.
Honestly, I do hope the whole chemotherapy regime works, where the tumor can be substantially reduced in size, and the reading for cancer marker dropped to normal range. I do want to remove the fear factor from my daily life, and I do want my life to be back to normal. I do want to have the privilege of going back to work, enjoy quality times with my family members, and not be a burden to my wife and children. I really do not want to see my wife and children suffer from my occasional mood swings and their tiring efforts of providing care to me.
There are nights where I was troubled by pains and just can’t fall aseep. No matter how positive and forward looking, I do occasionally stay awake thinking and fearing about death, about my unfulfilled responsibilities to my wife and children, and how am I going to say goodbye to my loved one. I do find myself in a difficult position, where the fear of unknown consumed my reasonable judgment. I think, only God understands my predicament. I did mention in my blog ( http://taipingcoffee.blogspot.com) that, cancer has changed my life, and it will never be the same again. Indeed, the previous few months has been a very difficult but enlightening experience.
Every morning, I wake up to the realization that, I have to live with that extra lump of protoplasm in my body. That protoplasm is not just any amoeba splitting and dividing at an exponential rate, but potentially a biological time bomb that will eventually consume me if my treatment regime failed. The more I tried to forget about my current negative health, the more I am being reminded of the fragility of life. Every morning, I wake up with abdominal pain and congested chest. Those nasty mutants do have a persistent way of trying to demoralize me with their nasty actions of inflicting consistent pains into my body, and fears into my mind. But I am still a logical sane man, trying to recover from my illness; I need to have stronger determination and faith of not allowing fears and physical pains to poison my mental well-being. I know where I stand in the great scheme that the Almighty designed for me, the mighty God will eventually make a way for me in the right direction to attain spiritual enlightenment to overcome my emotional fears and physical pains.
I know, ultimately, the game of life is such, at the end of the game, nobody emerges alive. But I am not in this journey to avoid death, I am now being drafted in this long road ahead for me to win this battle against cancer. The Almighty always has its sense of humor in illustrating the fragility of life.
Come to think of it, if death is not part of human journey, would we still treat life as precious and valuable? Would we become the lower species in the animal kingdom where our daily existence is to kill and be kill in our continue saga of survival? But we are human beings. We are, as usual, naively optimistic in our quest to understand the physic of immortality and the geometry of eternity to justify our stupidity in our never ending quest to glorify our existence. Maybe we should go back to basic to live a simpler life and have more faith in the Almighty. Perhaps then, our life will be happier and more meaningful.
Now, back to reality again, the other day, I was asked by a visitor with questions like “Are you dying of cancer?”, “How much time are you left with? “, and “How is your preparation to meet with your maker“”, etc., etc., etc..... I am so used to people saying inappropriate things to cancer patients like me because they want to look and sound normal when dealing with such taboo illness such as cancer. Honestly, I do not feel uncomfortable at all with these type of questions, because I am more than normal compared to all those normal person out there.
For a start, why do we always associate cancer with death and suffering? Without wanting to disappoint all those pessimists, I am not dying of cancer, but living with cancer. I am not really worried about how much time I am left with, but rather, I am working on how to begin my life with new approach, and enjoy whatever time I am given with. Am I ready to meet my maker? I know, death does not go away by denying the eventuality, but why do I have to worry about it now? I will live life one day at a time, and sing praise of the Almighty's love every morning. When it comes to death, nothing really make sense, so why bother with the timing of death now?
They said when you are stricken with chronic disease, your life changed. Period. Well, is it an overstatement, or is it an understatement? You can take it standing up, or sitting down. But look at the humanistic side, how many people can actually accept the news that they are inflicted with terminal illness with positivity? I do not know about others, but my life has indeed changed! Whether it changed for the better or worst, the only thing I can say now is, “stay tuned....”.
I realize, the physical tumor is real and it is still there, but it doesn't really bother me anymore. I leave this medical problem to the good doctor to worry, I will move on with life, live life as it should be. I don't really know, whether I am now a survivor of cancer, or a cancer patient on the road to recovery. But one thing I do know, the Almighty has given me unparalleled inner strength to deal and cope with the challenges ahead. What ever it is, by faith, the Almighty is my healer, I leave it to the Almighty to decide my fate.
I know, it is a lonely and challenging road ahead, and there are no foot prints to guide me on my road to recovery.. But I am born with a will to survive; I shall fight my fight in that invincible war zone. It is between me and those parasitic mutant cells. My mask is now on; I am now the invincible cancer warrior hunting for those cancerous cells, to search and destroy, and to emerge victorious. .
I have learned to look at fear in the face, and along the road to recovery, I have gained courage and experiences to deal with the uncertainty of life. The whole process of living with cancer is itself a journey of enlightenment! As a cancer patient, I have an obligation to live my life to the fullest, and to fight the menace with my entire spiritual and medical arsenal. I also have an obligation to be truthful to myself, live life as it is, and be an inspiration to others to overcome their predicaments. Well, whatever you are doing out there, let take a pause, and smell the roses.... It is a wonderful world out there!
Happy Chinese New Year & Gong Hei Fatt Choy.
C'est LaVie !!!!

PS : I have recently written a book, titled “Conversations With CK – A Man, his Life, and Cancer”. The book is priced at RM 40. You can order the book by sending an email to ckloh60@gmail.com

SUBANG KIDS PRESENT COMPOST FERTILISER TO PM

SUBANG JAYA youth who are part of the Community Composting project got a chance to meet Prime Minister Dato Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi today, and what better gift to present to him but a few bags of compost fertiliser produced by them.
Abdullah who appeared very surprised and pleased with the initiative by the youth asked several questions and later congratulated the children who were there to see him during the launch of the Buy Malaysian Products Campaign launch at Mydin USJ.
The community composting project which took off in October last year is being carried out as a pilot project by the youth in collaboration with the Subang Jaya Municipal Council, Subang Jaya State Assemblyman Hannah Yeoh, Mydin USJ, Starbucks and SJ Echo.

SS14 Neighbourhood Watch Takes to the Streets

THE recent spate of attempted burglaries and the coming festive season has prompted residents of SS14/7 who formed the SS14 Neighbourhood Watch more than 3 years ago to take to the streets last night.
More than 20 residents comprising of men, women and teenagers went out on a 2 hour night patrol around their neighbourhood, taking efforts to deter any would be incidences of crime in their area.

To their surprise halfway through their walk, was the arrival of ADUN Subang Jaya Hannah Yeoh and her husband Ram who joined them for 45 minutes during their rounds.
This group of residents will meet weekly to patrol the streets, complementing the existing smaller groups in the neighbourhood who have been patrolling the streets daily on a roster.
Smaller groups patrol the streets day and night within their own schedule either on foot, bicycles or in their cars.

SS14 Kids Camp Out Overnight in Backlane Open Area

Youth Take the First Step

Composting Pilot Project Kicks Off in SS14

CHANGING tomorrow, today.
Armed with vegetables, cut grass, dry leaves and grounded coffee beans, the neighborhood youth of SS14 demonstrated their ability to care for Mother Earth.
Supported fully by their parents, the 20 kids below the ages of 15 showed they could take on the responsibility of spearheading a pilot project to start composting kitchen discards and garden refuse in conjunction with Malaysian Environment Week.
With three 660 litre composting bins made available by Subang Jaya State Assemblyman Hannah Yeoh and supported by the Subang Jaya Municipal Council (MPSJ), the group will take on the task of collecting kitchen discards and garden refuse like vegetables, fruit peels , tea leaves, cut grass and leaves to be deposited into the ready-made bins.
“Adults, especially the parents of these kids will supervise the collection of materials for the compost bins.”
“We will be monitoring what goes into the bins and also the process of composting,” SS14 Neighborhood Watch interim president T.K. Lee said during the launch of the pilot project.
The event was attended by more than 70 residents from around SS14 and also USJ. Among the VIPs present were Hannah, MPSJ councilor Theresa Ratnam Thong, Selangor Department of Environment director Che Asmah Ibrahim and the officer-in-charge of the SS17 police station Chief Inspector Sulaiman Baputty.
Placed within the confines of the gated back lane of the residential area, the bins and what goes into them will be jointly monitored by the group and their parents.
Hannah in her speech praised the community for taking on such a project.
“It was a casual remark about an idea to get the community involved in composting and the residents here took the challenge.”
“The families involved have showed great interest in this pilot project. They even collectively raised funds to provide t-shirts for the event which we see the kids and adults alike wearing for the launch,” she said, adding that MPSJ and the community would monitor the strengths and weaknesses of the project, which had the potential to be replicated in other areas.
Starbucks Malaysia which has four outlets in Subang Jaya and USJ have also thrown their support behind this project by providing the group grounded coffee beans weekly to be mixed into the composting beans.
Monitoring will be undertaken by the adults and the group to keep records of the temperature inside the bins, the rate of decomposition and the quality of the final product, according to Lee.
One of the participants, Teoh Tien Shern, 12 presented a powerpoint on composting and provided an insight into what can be deposited into the bins and what must not go in.
“Compost bins are not rubbish bins. If we do it right, what we will have is fertilizer for our plants and vegetables,” he said, shyly in his first ever public presentation.
Compost harvested from this project will be packed by the group and subsequently sold to residents. Funds raised will go towards sustaining the project and also to fund other projects in the future.
The VIPs were also taken on a short tour of the neighborhood vegetable gardens which included creepers and leafy vegetables like pumpkin, spinach, sawi, herbal plants and fruit trees along the whole back lane.
For more information on the pilot project or the compost bins, email the editor@sjecho.com.my.

Camping Out this Weekend

COMMUNITY CAMPING OUT -DECEMBER 6 SATURDAY 2008
ADULTS ARE WELCOME TO JOIN IN

Okay...we are just a few days away from our camping adventure for kids at our back lane kawasan lapang. The tentative programme for this overnight activity includes:

3.00pm Kids meet up at the back lane open area 3.30pm Briefing and then tips on setting up the tents by Michael Thong from SS14/7A (ex-King Scout and ex-Outward Bounder) 6.00pm Wash up and relax while Michael provides some tips on knots, ropes and shows how to "tie-up" gadgets 7.00pm Preparation for BBQ 8.00pm BBQ and sing song session led by Timothy and Punitha with guitar (SS14/7A) 11.00pm Lights out for kids.

Parents are encouraged to join in the programme in the evening and take it as a family activity. Cost for the BBQ will be RM20 per head. A Malay restaurant will be preparing the meat for us.

December 7 2008

7.00am Rise and Shine 7.30am Breakfast ( we shall cater for some breakfast) 8.30am Mini gotong-royong at the 2 backlanes of SS14/7 area. All the greens and browns collected will be deposited into the composting bins. 10.30am Tents down and clean-up of camping area 11.00am End of activity

PLEASE SMS ME OR EMAIL ME TO CONFIRM YOUR PARTICIPATION IN THIS ACTIVITY. WE NEED CONFIRMATION OF NUMBERS TO CONFIRM THE BOOKING FOR BBQ ON SATURDAY NIGHT.

NST Youth Programme Participants Visit SS14NW Composting Site

YUCK! EWWWWW! NO WAY!....these were some of the expressions that came from a batch of kids from the NST holiday programme when they came visiting at our composting site yesterday morning.
Their mission - to visit the composting site, gather as much information as possible, interview the participants of our composting project....and to get their hands dirty participating in the project itself.
And that's exactly what they did, although initially, they hesitated to go near the composting bins. The hesitation was more when they were asked to help sort out vegetables and fruits which was supplied by Mydin before depositing into the bins.
Many hesitated but all it took was a brave young boy to get everyone started. By then, many hands reached into the bag for "green goodies" for our bins.
The kids were then allowed to sprinkle grounded coffee beans from Starbucks into the pile before they cleaned up for the rest of their visit.

The kids then interviewed our kids who are participants of the composting project. In a "mock" press conference, our kids were asked questions and questions and questions...

All in all..everyone enjoyed themselves...I believe many of our visitors will bring home with them an experience they will not forget for a long time....and maybe they might even start their mini composting project?